Holy Roller

She was a Holy Roller. At least, that is what I called her often. Above is a picture I snapped of her while praying in church one Sunday morning. She was a true believer in Jesus Christ. She didn't have the "christian talk" down.. the elegant use of Bible words and Jesus phrases. She just spoke from her heart and her heart was filled with love for Jesus. When she couldn't speak any longer, she still reflected a true joy and complete peace that I believe could only come from knowing she had a Savior. When I doubted my faith, Catie reminded me to continue believing. When I felt angry and wanted to walk away from my faith, Catie reminded me that life was too short to be so angry. She kept me grounded, she kept me believing. Many people would say that I should be less focused on a human, more focused on God. But the truth is, God used Catie to keep me close to Him. Obviously this post is going to make some people uncomfortable. So be it, this is what I believe. I mean really, if this makes you uncomfortable, you should hear me talk about keeping a marriage healthy..(wink,wink..)

Not long after I found out about Catie's diagnosis, I started digging into the Bible. I wanted answers, I wanted details. I wanted to know just where my sister was headed and where I'd meet her after this life. I found and continued to read Revelations 4. Here, John talks about his moment when he is before the Throne of Heaven. He describes exactly what he sees in detail. He tells us what the angels sing over and over. Because of my love for music, and my sisters love for music, this chapter was very comforting to me. I still get goose bumps when reading this chapter and thinking about what it will be like in Heaven. 

Revelations 4: After this I looked, and there before me was a door standing open in heaven. And the voice I had first heard speaking to me like a trumpet said, “Come up here, and I will show you what must take place after this.” ² At once I was in the Spirit, and there before me was a throne in heaven with someone sitting on it. ³ And the one who sat there had the appearance of jasper and ruby. A rainbow that shone like an emerald encircled the throne. ⁴ Surrounding the throne were twenty-four other thrones, and seated on them were twenty-four elders. They were dressed in white and had crowns of gold on their heads. ⁵ From the throne came flashes of lightning, rumblings and peals of thunder. In front of the throne, seven lamps were blazing. These are the seven spirits^[a] of God. ⁶ Also in front of the throne there was what looked like a sea of glass, clear as crystal.

In the center, around the throne, were four living creatures, and they were covered with eyes, in front and in back. ⁷ The first living creature was like a lion, the second was like an ox, the third had a face like a man, the fourth was like a flying eagle. ⁸ Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all around, even under its wings. Day and night they never stop saying:

“‘Holy, holy, holy
is the Lord God Almighty,’^[b]
who was, and is, and is to come.”

⁹ Whenever the living creatures give glory, honor and thanks to him who sits on the throne and who lives for ever and ever, ¹⁰ the twenty-four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne and worship him who lives for ever and ever. They lay their crowns before the throne and say:

¹¹ “You are worthy, our Lord and God,
    to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
    and by your will they were created
    and have their being.”

I'd read this over and over. I'd sing the words written here and "practice" for Heaven. It brought me peace. Then a few years ago, a song was written called Revelation Song. It quotes this part of the Bible in the song. Its beautiful! Its my favorite. Now, I love it more than ever... 

When I sing this song now, I not only picture what Heaven is like, but I picture my sister there. I can see Catie singing with a HUGE smile on her face.. dancing like a ballerina, flawless, joyful, peaceful, whole. It brings me so much peace to close my eyes and see this. Even more than that, I feel close to Catie. When I sing this song I feel like we are singing together since the Bible says this is what the angels sing without stopping. Eternally praising God. So when I join in and sing the same song they are already singing in Heaven, its like Catie and I are worshiping together again. 

I don't know how to explain it. I guess if you share the same faith it would make sense to you. If you don't share the same faith than you're probably trying to figure out when and how you should drop me off at the nut house. Either way, I believe in Jesus Christ, the same Jesus that Catie so strongly believed in. He is my Savior and one day when I die I believe that by his grace I will be singing the very same words that are in Revelations 4. I'll be singing with Catie, with my Nana, with angels. And until that day, I can sing those words here and feel so close to them knowing that they are doing the same thing while watching down over me. 

Catie may have been a bit strict at times on her "religious" beliefs.. all those little things that Christians like to argue about over a hot cup of coffee. But it was her FAITH that stood out the most and what God used to keep me close to Him.

 This is the link to the song here