Wednesday, April 10, 2013

In Good Times & Bad

I took a deep breath, followed by a sip of wine. I cleared my throat, and said, "I just love you so much." I did everything possible to hold back tears, and could see as tears welled up in my husbands eyes, he was also feeling the same thing in that moment.

We had stopped in Eugene, OR on our way to Seattle, WA. It was our 5th wedding Anniversary that day and we were beyond excited to finally be taking the trip we had always talked about. We took a walk and found ourselves sharing dinner in an adorable little restaurant, Ambrosia. (best Italian food, aside from my mothers, I've ever had.) The candle lit atmosphere and charming Italian music was more than romantic and after a long car ride and frantic morning getting our boys and pets situated, I looked down to see myself wearing a men's Nirvana t-shirt, jeans, and old school vans. Not only was I far below the restaurants dress code, I was completely failing at any chance of looking anniversary-esque. I looked up from my menu and apologized to Kyle.

"Babe. I'm very underdressed."
"who cares!" he said, with that smirk of his.
"I care! Its our anniversary and look at me. A nirvana tee?"

He looked at me with his baby blue eyes and smiled before saying,

"My very favorite look on you."

We ordered our dinner (don't forget, best ever!) and took our time. We are usually in a rush on our dates and if we aren't pressed for time, we still feel as if we are. This however, was different. The boys were safe, we were out of CA and it was day one of our five day vacation. We knew no one, and had no plans to be anywhere any time soon. We were so relaxed that we had been checking the time on the car clock and the time wasn't even correct! (we had quite the laugh over that one.) As we ate, we began to share our favorite wedding memories, and we laughed at how we couldn't have been more wrong when it came to what we had imagined our lives to be at our 5th anniversary. That of course led us to talking about our boys and how incredible they are. How we couldn't believe that Owen will be 1 year old at the end of this month. A year already? It feels so much longer than a year. That's when we really sat in the quiet, just the two of us, and silently realized how much we needed this trip. The last 365 days of our lives have been a roller coaster of ups and downs. The birth of our second child along with health issues related to it. The death of our sister. The loss of a job. The loss of a car. The cut back of hours at work. The terminal diagnosis of our grandmother. The death of our grandmother. The loss of a church family. The gift of a car. The gift of a new and better job. The first everything's with Owen, and the first everything's without Catie and Nana. The last year was full of tension between the happiest and saddest days of our lives. We fought for our love to stay bright through it, but we have been so tired. As individuals, as a couple and as parents.

I felt silly for caring about how I looked. It was so petty. After the year we have had, I shouldn't care if I'm in a little black dress or a 90s grunge tee. I should be completely blown away by the grace shown on our lives and our relationship that got us to this dinner. The gift of God's faithfulness during every up and down in the last year. Teaching us to love and care for each other no matter what. Whether we just met our second son for the very first time, or we just saw our sister for the very last. We were sitting at a table sharing a romantic dinner because of the love we have been given. A love that was doubted by some because of our young age, and only exists because of the undeserved love that God keeps showing to us. I'll never forget what a challenge this last year has been for us, but I know with time I'll forget the the little details of it. I won't however, forget our 5th wedding anniversary and the teary "I love you's" that meant more than they ever have before. The ones that tell each other, neither of you are going anywhere, no matter what the future has in store.

Happy Anniversary, my love! Thank you for your faithfulness, your love, and your support that you bless me with every single day. I love you more and more as we grow up together and couldn't be more honored to be your wife and the baby momma of your kids. I LOVE YOU, KYLO. (now lets go back for more of that taramisu!) XOXO

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